Thinking with the smaller head

Although I am in the convenient atmosphere of my hobby room at home, I am sweating. Spring is turning into summer but there is no sign of heat, I am being perfectly preserved at room temperature. I am just excited, and a bit nervous, 20 cm in front of the 24 inch Mac monitor… The ant watching TV…

After listening to the "real life" experiences of the guys during lunch break, I am decided to make my mark in the virtual world and hook up a girl from a "social network"... Arrived home, got a quick shower, I am not decided to put on a perfume. Better not to, the effect will fade until the girl will arrive; so wait. Dressed light but not in pajamas, I should look like ready to go, while chatting on the net.

First target, the easy preys; early arrivals at Facebook (everybody knew, as the guys said, but not me). I entered my account, input status “ O. is missing the days from childhood” as starter hit, began making all tests about favorites and suitables. Changed status “O. is dreaming of a long walk on narrow streets of Sicily”, the appetizer… Checked requests, “Mihaela M. wants you to add her as a friend”, what? Huh, Dear Mihaela M, I am not that easy. Before confirming I click on the profile photo. At a closer look there are two creatures in that profile image, one substantially more hairy. Trying to understand, I read the comments and actually Mihaela M commented herself for the picture “The monkey in the Zoo of Bali was very happy that day”. Sorry? The problem is that in the photo both creatures are smiling, so to investigate further and to find out which one is Mihaela M, I click on the photo. Aha… the darker hairy one is gone but the other light colored specie is in bikinis sipping a brownish cocktail.. Ooohoooffff Mihaela M, you shouldn’t have chosen a beach photo when searching for “the man” (with those perky tits, hah!)... Click back, click “ignore”… I am looking for quality and class…

Entered hi5, where all the girls look like Pennsylvania Strip-school graduates having PhD in Sexually Transmitted Diseases. Started creating my profile, name, age, hobbies…Age minus 5, hobbies as car racing, yachting, traveling, clubs and of course, reading… I am the young rich handsome literate Formula driver, while watching the skies from the board of my yacht on the Caribbean shores, looking for my soul mate in hi5… why not?

Few more sites and networks later, I just realized that I am creating my profile for an escort site with only female profiles… Third question is “Do you charge by the hour?”… Me? By the hour? I am happy if I resist half an hour, c’mon… Fourth question, “Foreign languages spoken?”… WTF, should I pass TOEFL to get laid? I better quit. And did.

Started getting stressed, already 2 hours passed and no hits… back to Facebook, sent friend requests to all friends’ single friends… Hey ladies, look at those test results, I am everything you may ever dreamt of. I am a Mini Cooper cabriole, I am Rio de Janeiro, I am red in your rainbow, the rabbit in your farm, I am R&B, I am even a suitable quick date partner for Angelina Jollie (or vice versa, but is the same shit). So, I am here waiting for you to “confirm” yourself in my arms while Angelina is rejecting calls from Brad Pitty…

Seems that my mojo doesn’t work here… I would have called Brad for a beer now. Searching for Mihaela M to add as a friend…

The corner of my eye saw the Yahoo Messenger icon… Yahoo. Yeeeeaaahuuu. Yieeehieee… That’s it, I have few dozen contactinas there, hope some are logged in… Entered my Id and password. Wassup? Password wrong? As a relief, the password is sent to my e-mail address… Digged in and got the password I deserve… Really difficult with women these days…

Somehow and fortunately few historic failures are online… trying to think of a pick-up line, to attack as a guerilla and win the war in seconds. Double-clicked on P, entered the most creative words coming to my mind “Ce faci? (How are you?)” … The curser is blinking, I am cursing the blinks…”Hei!” she replied….Yesss…. Few words about how decent I became lately and looking for a long-term relationship, bored of hit and runs, spiced up with my “sincere regrets” about missing an “opportunity” with her… She is melting… stupid… I want to see your morning face…

I invited her to have a coffee, she answered that she’s hungry… “What about a pizza?” and her reply came “let me grab one on the way and come to you”…. Hallelujah… Few minutes later she texts me to get the address for the taxi driver, she hasn’t been at the ‘head office’ before… I text back the address, ran to shower, 2 puffs of a perfume and Mickey Rourke-fit in blue jeans and white V-neck…waiting…

The doorbell rang in 45 minutes, exactly when I was about to call her…Opened the door with a kinky smile to meet a human slice in the form of a pizza delivery man…holding a box of pizza… The fifth element said that pizza was paid…Took the pizza, closed the door and while entering the kitchen opened the box… It is a large margarita and with half-cut round olive slices, a huge message reads in the middle of it, “IDIOT!”… my parachute doesn’t open….banged!!!

Just changed few of the olive slices and now it reads “I DO IT!”; thanks for cooking, babe! And please improve your grammar..Hih!...

Ashamed? Neenah… I am just hooking up with the smart ones J ; send me friend requests, I might be in your fortune cookie…