“ Hi O, how are you maaaaan?” Why do we think that we become friendlier if we pronounce the gender in a gayish manner each time?
“I am fine” was my reply, holding the mobile phone close enough to hear but also distant enough to ignore him. Last time we met, at a fancy restaurant, he didn’t dare to stand up to shake my hand, but waved his head to indicate his recognition about my presence. He was surrounded by few celebrities then. (Most of the “celebrities” showing off at that place on a daily basis are just tabloid puppets and they earn as much as a bus driver, limiting their glamour to the dress they are in). He didn’t know, he was feeling important… Talking loud about the article he read on Walk (?) Street Journal.
“Hey maaan, long time no see; you are OK? The bank is well?”
Nope dumpy, I was just about to call you, to save me and the bank from the boredom we suffer.
“Yes, yes; the bank is fine”. And actually I enjoyed that "long time" with “no see”.
“You know O, I wanted to call you earlier, about.. eehhmm… about…”
“I have this friend of mine, a very good friend, like a brother to me. A perfect gentleman, an important businessman with good contacts.”
And he wants to marry me?
“He is a very reliable person, trustworthy and a good potential as a client for you”. Yes, sure, almost all prophets have accounts with us, just he was missing. We offer sins in installments.
“And he is looking where to deposit his money?” I am mocking at him.
“No man, you know the situation these days, very difficult to find a business oriented banker, a reasonable financial specialist”. So I was worth to be found. Please wipe after licking, I prefer my seating parts dry…
“He, my friend, has a well thought business plan, already settled to start. But he needs a bank to support him”
Ahhh my friend, my maaan friend, so he needs a bank to screw? Thanks for flying with us.
Cannot bear similar conversations anymore, I want to cut it short and interrupt “How much he needs? For how long? What is the business?”
“You know, it is just EUR 300.000, for the beginning of course. He wants to pay it back immediately, in a year or so, but you better arrange it for 15 years, you know. And starting with the second year he may need an additional EUR 500.000, also for short term” Another short 15 years, the time passes like a lightning when you are a banker.
Also he gave some brief details about the “business”: it sounded like selling palm leaves to cover the rooftops of the coffee-shops' terraces, which will be built adjacent to the suspended highways, future highways…export-import, you know… Good contacts at the Ministry of…You know…
I already have my script ready for this act “What kind of collateral could he bring?”
“Yeah, that’s the issue man, he had some trouble in the recent past. His partners fooled him and he lost almost everything to a bank” Nope, the bank has recovered part of the loans granted, with the assets financed by this or another loan.
“I see, if he applies as an individual client and if he has the necessary incomes to pay the monthly installments, we may arrange something’
“I am not sure if he could apply himself as an individual. You know, he had some headache in the 90’s”
“What kind of headaches?” I feel like the cashier lady at SensiBlu, do you have a fidelity card? Algocalmin?
“Aaghh, he was helping some Swiss families to adopt kids, poor kids without families, from Romania. Everybody was better-off, kids were fine but not the police, man.”
“Did he do also drugs?” , I was just kidding.
“Just for fun, few times. They were wrong when he was caught with the load of his friends, claiming that he is a dealer, huh. You know the media here. He is clean, man.” He wasn’t kidding..
“What about his family”
“They are no use, man. They were upset when he gave the parents’ house as collateral to some gypsy. The bastard threw them out"
"His wife? Is he married?"
"Sure he is, he is a family man, but right now his wife is also not in good waters with him, after catching him with this TV moderator - a fantastic woman, you know”
“No, man, the TV puss…whatever…”
“Ok, so he’s like a brother to you, so you don’t mind being guarantor and giving us some promissory notes signed by you, no?”
“C’mon, maaan. I cannot do this. Why to risk my reputation?”
You just did my friend. Probably you ruined your reputation when you were a glimpse in your father’s eye; but with me, you did now.
I said, “Give him my number and ask him to call me”, I will answer just for the first time, once, and then save the number to block it.
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I said already, WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!!! This is the third trophy of our team at the Bankers’ Cup. I have my own medal, given by a player-colleague of mine, for being the loudest supporter.