Obo

Yesterday I heard from an old friend working at CitiGroup that Anan Dickshit is still with Citi but now riding bigger horses.. Glad for him, and for the crowds who might be meeting him, letting him introduce himself...

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From the "to-do"list, I didn't manage even to start any of the items yet but good intentions prevail

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Journal of the Broken Heart

20.20pm
I showed her clearly who is the boss around and said honestly my opinion about the way she does things. The fact that she couldn't understand and accept the reality is another proof of her inability to self-improve (I have told this also, honesty is the key in a relationship)

20.25pm
I should have taken a photo of her face when I was talking, to show to the guys tomorrow. Her eyes were blocked as if her brain was run by Windows Vista. I am done with her and she is sooooo done with any sign of further humanly life.

20.30pm
Driving home, checking the mobile if she has send any message of apology. She must be crying in agony with tears and couldn't sum herself up for texting.

20.40pm
Still no calls or messages. I check her Facebook page on my mobile, no status update (hope she didn't commit suicide)

20.45pm
I check her Facebook page again at home and saw the wall-messages from her friends, the sluts seem to be going out tonight. They were always a bad example for her any case.

20.57pm
I am afraid she will do something stupid for consolation and end up as the breakfast of a bastard.

21.00pm
She still didn't call for a decent apology. I call her to make sure that her phone is functional and she is alive. She answered but the wind blowing at the background makes it impossible to communicate. What? Hairdryer??? She is really going out...Bitch..

21.10pm
She should have called back already. Probably now at the make-up stage... Make up... we make it up......no?

21.25pm
I am ringing her again, to tell her that I do not understand how she could be ready that quickly to hit the night, while she has just been dumped... Dumped by me.
She answered, quite relaxed, asked why I am calling her every five minutes now, when I didn't even answer her calls during the day. Said that she has to find her boots and hang off. Boots? High Heels?

21.32pm
She was right, I didn't show her the attention she deserved lately. And now a two-days bearded Hulk will get her into his bed with a quick smart talk...

21.47pm
I should have been more attentive and I shouldn't have forgotten the reasons for which I was attracted to her. I loved her for who she was and who she is, why to change?

21.53pm
I want to call her and ask for an apology for the rude talk, it wasn't honesty but aggressiveness. She didn't deserve those groundless accusations.

22.00pm
and I love her. But tonight I am going to lose her, because of my stupid macho behavior. Decided to catch her and her lovely friends at the bar, started dressing up quickly. Huh, she likes that shirt.

22.15pm
The door bell rings. I do not have time for a neighbor or dropping by friend. Looking for the jeans she liked me to wear.

22.18pm
The doorbell is still ringing and I need to open the door to let myself out; so the encounter with the alien is inevitable.

22.19pm
Opened the door, forcing myself, aiming to rush and but met her. She passed me by, entering the living room she asked where I am heading to, as I was dressed with my Fratelli uniform. Speaking with a tone and a speed stopping me to interfere, mentioned that she is sorry that she didn't listen to what I said at the cafe, she was thinking about the girls going out tonight and she needed a reasonable excuse not to join but to spend the evening with me, she didn't want to piss me off but I shouldn't have left the table in such a girlish manner. She was ready to listen now carefully.
Unfcknbelievable....
I started "Look, you are suffocating me, tonight we were supposed to spend with our friends...."

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Do not forget, Sunday we will be going to vote!!! no other plans!!!

0-800

Thanks to the new tech, we do everything by phone or Internet; talking, selling, shopping, getting aroused, learning and even sometimes listening to someone or something.

The door-to-door salesmen of 80’s become the young agents of call centers. Few kids with headsets know what we need, when we need and they even know our mother’s maiden name.

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A very hectic day in the office; 189 e-mails boldly waiting to be read; 2 mobiles and the office phone competing to ring; couple of meetings overlapping; few colleagues back from holidays and frequenting my office in need of reminding me about their existence; an angry client threatening to file complaints to Consumer Protection, parliament, authorities and even to send a letter to Mecca.

When I hang off the last phone, two more colleagues attempted to enter , each holding a white page but I stop them at the doorstep with a hand, like a talented traffic police, showing the ringing phone with the other hand. I am decided to have a looooong conversation with whoever is calling. The line of numbers starting with double zeros indicates an international call.

“Hello, is this Mister Teppich?” I am asked, by a velvet voice of a young girl. Under normal circumstances I would get angry and correct the spelling of my surname loud but now I need this conversation, to hide behind. Also her voice is so soft, I am ready to be her “carpet” (though I am sure she doesn’t mean or speak anything in German).

“Yeah, but I recently rebranded myself as Tetik, T-E-T-I-K, Darling!” I can’t stop myself.

“Aaash, Mr. Tea Tick, Sorry for my mistake, but my records indicates as Teppich”. I couldn’t dare to challenge your records and please you do not challenge my patience.

“Mr. Tea Tick, I am sixteen and I have an offer that you cannot refuse”.

Honey, I'm not sure whether to be honored that my reputation is beyond borders but you are 2 years below the legal age to offer me what I cannot refuse. Still I would rather check your local legislation and might ask for a photo before my final answer.

“Sorry?” I said, “What is your name, M’am?”

“I am sixteen, Mr. Tea Tick”

“Sure, I got it and I am 36. But, your name please? Where are you calling from?” I just wanted to add if her mother knows the international call she makes.

“No, Mr. Tea Tick, my name is S-I-S-T-I-N-E, Sistine; and I am calling you from Chamberlain & Wyman International ”

Upppsss, I did it again.

“So, Mr. Tea Tick, you are the Head of Treasury And Financial Institutions in your company?” Nope, I am the liver of retail banking and it is not my company, I just work here.

“No, Mademoiselle, I used to be… Until a few years ago”, regretting the days when I was bothered only by the beeps of dealing screens in trading room. No human touch, just graphs and numbers…

“Ooo, excuse me Mr. Tea Tick, I was referred to you by Mr. D. We have an exclusive event in September in Prague, for a limited number of 20 bankers, as regard to the effects of Global Warming on Commodity Prices and US dollar indexes. We have an unexpected availability only for one more attendant and we thought you would be the right person”

Yes, with 6 faces impatiently staring at me through the glass office walls, I am the right person for you to talk now, keep on explaining. And of course when remembering about Global Warming and Commodities, I am the 21^st person coming to anyone’s mind.

Though, I am wondering the mimics I could activate on my boss’s face, by bringing a 5,000 EUR protocol expense request, only for the participation fee. I would at least feel a local warming, if not a global one.

I let her talk, about program, subjects, participants, sponsors, prices until everyone got pissed off and left my visibility. Once my horizon has been cleared, I cut her sales pitch “Thanks Honey, for all the information provided. When exactly would be the event? Which dates?”

“6-9 September, Mr. Tea Tick”

“Ahhh, now I am really sorry but exactly on those dates, I will be joining Al Gore at a Panda Hunt in Mexico. Unfortunately I am in a position to refuse your kind invitation”

When I am hanging off, I hear her asking about references to be called.

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I joined CitiBank Bourse Game in 1996 in Istanbul and my deskmate was a very kind & polite Indian, named Anan Dikshit. He was running the Call Center located in India, covering East Europe. The poor guy couldn't introduce himself to anyone during the courses without an explosion of laughter.

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Spending more time on the phone with friends, apologizing for not being able to call earlier instead of straightforward chatting with them. Once I finish the unread e-mails, I will call a friend.

the bank job... b-job...

I was searching wikipedia for Romanian profanity. And found “a da la nutella”… I adore Nutella; at least adored it… For someone thinking that liquored chocolates are ultimate perversity, the meaning in English was disgusting… WTF “a da la nutella / to hit the nutella” means to have anal sex???????

One cannot have a decent breakfast these days…

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Year 2000 again; Y2K. The year that was supposed to crash all systems in the world but just did crash mine; I moved to Romania and started to blink syntax error….

End of May, less than 6 months in Romania; knew few places and few words. I had an abscess in my mouth, my dental presence being felt on each nerve. The dentist said that it was too late for me and I had to wait until the abscess was fully treated by itself (Yep, it was late because then I was considering “Stomatology” related to stomach and wondering why the Romanian population had such a wide-extent digestion issue)

I couldn’t eat anything for days as I couldn’t chew, with my face resembling the elephant man, having a pumped up left side. I had to feed myself, before the stomach attacked kidneys or liver in despair…

There is (or was) an unfashionably cousy Italian restaurant, vis-à-vis Opera House, named after the Opera House by the genius Italian patrons. They served semi-fresh soups and I was close to the place.

Parked the car in front of the restaurant, under the envying looks of neighborhood ladies (I had a brand new VW Bora, metallic pistachio green, huh) and entered the place.

The pain was controlling all my body and I was leaping instead of walking straight. With the new shape of my head and folded moves, I was the grandson of the Hunchback of Notre Dame. The mixture of old-dirty foreign man and young-excessively painted ladies greeted me with estranged sights.

Seated by a waitress to a table in the corner and given the menu. No need to think, I ordered a chicken soup.

The soup, ready for the last 2 days and boiling, has been served immediately. I had to aromatize the taste, with some lemon juice, few drops.

Called the waitress but she didn’t hear. Called again waiving my hands as supporting indicators. She was still in chat with another waitress.

I shouted, “Could I have some lemon juice?” in Romanian. She turned while staring at me from a distance of 10 meters with an ultimate hate. I shouted again, “Juice, M’am”…

Few clients turned back to me also, throwing question marks. I had to use this chance of attention to tell again my wish; “Lemon, juice?”

Now all clients from all tables are looking at me, and sure they seem to be angry. Meanwhile one of the waitresses, an Oldie-but-Goldie, brought the small bottle of limejuice to my table, laughing hysterically and saying, “Maybe later Cutie, come after midnight”.

It took me few weeks to understand, while learning new words from colleagues.

With my mouth half open, lips squeezed and teeth closed in pain, what I asked sounded as if I was shouting for “Sugi (suck)?” instead of “suc (juice)” at first call. Moreover, I insisted politely on having “la mu.e (blowjob)” while trying to ask for “lamaie (lemon)”

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Do not try to speak a foreign language until you learn all of its slang and profanity. At least do not speak when you cannot control your teeth and lips for whatever is the reason.

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That’s not a story but a memory. One from the many again.

But still. your musical education is my main concern, so just click on the link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhHhKIa8jbo

When you get the taste of lime from your life, just don't be lame. Suck it!

missing in action

Too tired these days; didn't accomplish anything yet from "to-do" list. But managed to get 4 more kilo's during last Istanbul trip... now installing the new iLife and SnowLeopard, as the installer claims "less than 17 hours left to finish".

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Coming back tomorrow -hopefully- with a new story, for the moment "under construction"

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I am going to change my mobile number this weekend. So, if you can't reach me next week by mobile, please get my point :)

Real Bucharest

I became comment-addicted. Checking the blog every hour to see if anyone posted a comment...
Few colleagues and friends insist on asking whether the stories are real, whether they are my memories. Mostly, yes. What is funnier than reality any case?
All of the following are true and I will try to exaggerate modestly;

- After a terrible 3 weeks in a room at Gastinitsya Mezhdunarodnaya (World Trade Center) in Moscow, I found my apartment. A shithole of 40 square meters on Kitai Gorod (China Town), at the first floor of a smelly, crowded 6 floor building (and just for 2,000 USD per month). The apartments on that block were modified from "kommunalkas", small living rooms for each family (converted into bedroom at night) sharing a common kitchen/bathroom for each 20-25 households. I was asked to pay 3 months' rent in advance, 1 month rent as deposit - for the damage I could do (there was nothing I could possible add further to the smell and misery) and a month's rent as agency commission. I had 10,000 USD in my bag, riding with a cab to my new residence. (The dollar cash in circulation in Russia is 3 times higher than of in United States)
When the car entered the street, I opened my bag to take out my wallet and the green shine of dollars at the bag pocket enlightened the face of the Azerbaijani driver. He grabbed my arm and said few words that I didn't understand but seemingly threatening. Opened the door with the free arm, hit his face to release the other arm and jumped out to run. The real estate agent girl and landlady were waiting outside on the street, they saw the scene and started running after the driver who was following my city marathon...The driver caught me, the ladies caught us. I was saved, he was beaten bad. Stayed 6 months at that apartment until moving to Noviy Arbat (New Labor) street, where my car was stolen happily 3 times, by the same guys.

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- The management of the bank rented a "business suit" at Gastinitsya Mezhdunarodnaya, a duplex apartment of which the upper floor was serving as a guest house for new arrivals like me, until they found an apartment. First floor was the "Head Office". I was staying together with my future manager, as we both arrived to Moscow on the same day and were searching for residence.
Each night, at around 10pm, the chain-action of door-to-door sales was starting. Few knocks at the door, opening it you would meet every kind of white meat, always in a combination of 2 pieces, with short skirts and excessive make-up, asking "Want?" and giggling. They were so used and torn, "Do not want"was the only human answer. It kept going on with 20 minutes frequency until 6am in the morning.
It is funny for the first 3 times of the first night but after few weeks of sleeping disorder, one would get nervous. So did my boss... He was a person of comfort, hardly affording the first impressions of Moscow. About to go to sleep, brushing his teeth, dressed only with his Calvin Klein boxer shorts, the 10th knock on the door acted as a sprint shot for him. He rushed downstairs to open the door; to swear at the ladies. He forgot the luggages on the hall and trembled over, went down a dozen stairs on his head. I ran downstairs in panic and found him with blood dripping from his forehead, toothpaste foaming off his mouth, but conscious and nervous. Opened the door to get rid of the Knocking Birds and to call for help. The ladies started shouting by the scene. In less that 30 seconds security guards arrived, picked my boss and me as criminals by the arms and brought to the closest police section (downstairs at the hotel's groundfloor). After few questions in Russian and our answers in English, Turkish or German, we were allowed to call the lawyer of the bank, who got us released early morning. Only after a year learned the version that bastard lawyer told to the rest of our colleagues; two horny Turks called in the girls but the dispute to share the girls resulted in a bloody fight, the guys were so aggressive and excited, their mouths were splashing off.
I wouldn't let my dog to screw those meatbags but had established a decent reputation by the staff...

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IMF will disburse the 3rd tranche, EUR 1.5 billion. They cannot afford to have a red dot in Europe, possibly causing a regional catastrophe. It is much easier to throw EUR 1.5 billion to Romania and keep the engine running, instead of spending EUR 20-30 billion to save Turkey, Hungary and Czech Republic affected by the negative sentiment after. However, the IMF officials are executing now an humanitarian effort, trying to straighten political life in Bucharest. "Money talks, bullshit walks".

Breakfast in Budapest

Spring of 2001; two guys at late 20’s, feeling as Patrick Bateman & Co were packed to kill, on their way to Budapest. Me and my friend G were proud tourists of male pleasure, full of self-confidence and “in case of emergency” cash, boarding Malev flight from Bucharest. We both have been in Russia for 3 years before arriving to Romania in 1999 and had few terabytes of visual memories that we would never be able to share with our beloved ones or with our grandkids. (Our “World War LXIX” or to be more explicit, our “Call of Duty: Easterners on Flames” hasn’t been as sad as the stories we were told by the Oldies. We did not wait long queues for our daily share of Jack Daniels’ and Red Bull)

We were lucky that Malev does not charge for excess libido and quickly took our seats. The pleasant weather, very smooth flight and surprisingly delicious catering were all indicating a nice long-weekend.

G, already in the mood for a quick win, decided to fancy the stewardesses (now they are called “flight-attendants” and if you dare to call one as “stewardess” you risk to die of thirst during the flight). He pushed the red button to call one of the ladies and when she arrived to our row he asked, “Hi honey, how do you say “Thank you”?”

She squeezed her eyebrows and answered “Sank yu!” Probably she wasn’t delighted that her conduct of English being tested by two Gollum heads. But actually we were trying to learn saying “Köszönöm”. Sink-sank-sunk in the seats…

Easy landing, fast trip with a taxi to the hotel that we have arranged through an agency in Bucharest and considering what was supposed to be expecting us we have mentioned several times our choice of 2 rooms with French-beds.

The receptionist, a middle aged gentle male, announced us deliriously that they could offer us the Executive Suit, with a 3-meters by 3-meters waterbed instead of two separate rooms, also for the half of the total price. He was so excited about his own offer; we had to cut him short to request 2 separate rooms before he had an orgasm on the reception desk. Moved to the rooms, unpacked, quick shower and... Budapest, here we come…

When passing by the reception on our way out, the receptionist shouted a restaurant’s name for us to try out. It was already on the list we have gathered through internet, so decided to give it a shot. Arcade was one of the cousy looking but cool places where you normally couldn’t enter without a days-earlier reservation. Thick wood stools and tables, few mediaeval weapons hanging from the ceiling together with Starck design lamps, drinks served in geometry-forcing glasses. The emergency cash stack helped us to find a decent table on the spot. The waitresses were chosen from the remains of the last Victoria’s Secret show, each of them proving the existence of God. We were hardly talking but staring at the female aurora serving our food and drinks. Great food, great spirits and great sprits ended up with a bill below 100 EUR and we decided that it was the place to come again. I followed the girl who served our table while she was walking to the kitchen, she suddenly turned back at dazzling me “Very nice, can I have the phone number…” Before I was able to say “the phone number of the restaurant to make a reservation for another day?” she started shouting at me “Do you think that I needed to serve food to smocks like you if I dated each tourist coming to Budapest?” I presume they never had same client twice, thanks to her.

We left for a walk on the crowded streets. The streets were full of same gender competitors; probably the after-match crowd of a football derby had had caught us. Instead of forcing through the crowd, we entered a pub on our way. While sipping our drinks, a kiddo came, confusedly offering a red rose to one of us, he couldn’t decide to whom, we ignored and he left. Few minutes later a violinist came, with a large grin on his face, playing a futurist version of Love Story…The bar was also packed with a dozen guys, the only single girl was the barmaid and she seemed to belong to one of the bouncers, keeping an eye on him regularly. Decided to hit the road again, maybe the first night was just a warm-up curse.

I was running up the few stairs from the bar’s exit to the street, G remained behind checking the local tourist guides and brochures on the shelves. I was hoping that he could discover a decent club to go where another 100 EUR could make wonders but he started shouting as if a boa bit him,

“Shit!! Shit!!!, Shiiiiittt!!”

“What happened? What happened?” I was panicked thinking that his wallet or passport has been stolen.

He threw one of the booklets to me; I couldn’t grab it and skipped on the floor. On the cover there was toothpaste commercial, I was quite surprised that the dental hygiene concerned him so much and wanted to assure him that I am ready to lend my toothpaste. After 10 years of brotherhood…He was kicking the tiles, waving his head disapprovingly and showing me to turn the page. I did so and faced the soar truth. With large pink letters reading “Budapest Spring Gayfest-2001”… We had chosen the weekend for YMCA’s happy nation…

Rest of our trip? Hungarians do have very interesting movie channels on satellite.

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Patrick Bateman: I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

(Don’t watch the movie but do read “American Psycho”)

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Nouriel Roubini, the economist who forecasted the current crisis and thus being named as Dr Doom, has announced the second wave of the global crisis is on its way to our doorsteps and it will have deeper socio-economic impacts, even on the world peace. Don’t forget your umbrellas when leaving home then…

High... ways...

Jean Baptiste Say was a French economist with liberal views in favor free trade and fair competition. He is well known by the economics students with his doctrine of “Supply creates its own demand”. I am not sure if he simply meant the economic activity at the neighboring bordellos but I still consider he was misunderstood.

As Wikipedia quotes, Say's Law does not claim that supply automatically brings demand, but that the foundation for effective demand is constituted in a former source of supply. That it is always supply that we consume and that you cannot consume what does not exist.

Say's law says, “The supply (sale) of X creates the demand (purchase) of Y”. This law can be shown by business-cycle statistics. When downturns start, production is always first to decline, ahead of demand. When the economy recovers, production recovers ahead of demand.

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Being a fresh but devoted citizen, I have decided to contribute to the discussions of liberalization of prostitution & natural drugs and had a weekend trip to Amsterdam to analyze the benefits.

Considering the main problems of Romania, such as poor educational system, poor health care and poor infrastructure; there are enormous advantages we could obtain from the ingenious proposal of the 28-year-old leader.

First of all, the excessive use of drugs will put stupid smiles on our faces increasing the level of urban politeness and diminishing the performance diminutive effects of stress. Without stress we all be more productive and efficient… or it will seem so…

People on the street would not dream about biting a piece of simple bread but they would start painting their own bread on canvas.

In order to ship larger quantities of weed at faster speed, we would all go to Bricostore, grab few tools and start building our own highways... There should be many ways to be high…

Liberalization of prostitution will also have positive effects on the economy. We will stop spending money on luxury goods, fancy cars and designer brand clothing to get laid but just pay for it straightforward. (While generating taxable incomes.) Diminishing consumer spending and increasing fiscal revenues; as IMF dictates to us, huh?

The circulation of STDs will help us to get rid of the unhealthy population without any cost; so the healthy population percentages will skyrocket.

If we would also offer weed wrapping lectures and courtesan guidelines at the schools, we will be solving the lack of educational materials.

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It was a nice weekend but with a sour pain in the stomach; Amsterdam residents are selling the concept of their way of living through tulips, cacophony of music, coffee-shops, Red-Light district, open winter terraces, waffles, Van Gogh, bicycles, water channels and boat trips… Clean dressed, smiling, attentive, literate peple from all ages are walking, running and cycling without disturbing each other, without discriminating or criticizing each other. Could we become them just by inhaling weed?